The Sleep PostI'm sure some of you have wondered why my blog is titled the way it is when I have never written a post about sleep. Well, here it is: the BIG sleep post.
I have had an addiction to sleeping for as long as I can remember. I've always been able to sleep in every chance I get. Once, I actually slept until 5 p.m. (having gone to bed around 11 p.m. the night before). For some reason, I'm always tired. I am tired even when I get a good night's rest. And I am also tired when I get too little sleep. My eyes constantly feel like closing, and sometimes it almost hurts to stay awake.
I've never been able to figure out why I'm like this. I have considered that there may actually be something wrong with me. You see, I don't just sleep in my bed. I can sleep everywhere I go. In high school, I would fall asleep sitting up in class. This continued in to college, and got even worse. I'd fall asleep sitting in the front row. Nothing deterred me. The teacher could be next to me and I'd have no shame. This is because I don't think I could control the sleeping, which is why there may be more to this than just "being tired" or even being lazy.
My roommate in college, S, can attest to all of this. She was there on the days where I'd decide to skip my three morning classes and sleep until 2 p.m. It was as if nothing was important enough to pull me from the bed. Or, I'd be in my boyfriend's dorm room, sleeping the day away as he and his roommate came and went. They'd go to class, bring me back lunch, have people over...all while I was up in his loft sleeping. It's amazing that I managed to get the good grades I did. Now, I didn't act like this all through college. After sophomore year, I wised up and only took afternoon classes if I could...and I made sure never to skip a class, even for sleep. There may have been a few times in class where I dozed off, but for the most part I was back on track.
This takes us to the present. I've never liked waking up early (meaning before 10 a.m.), so I just get to work late. I've worked it out so I can arrive at work at 9:30 a.m., which is great. But still, even waking up at 7:30 is too early for me. I know that most people are up at 6 with no problem, but I just can't seem to do it. And lately, I just haven't been sleeping well at all. Last night, it took me over an hour to fall asleep. I was just lying there in some limbo-like state, thinking and thinking, but not sleeping. Once I did doze off, I fell into my dreams (which I can't remember now). But when I woke up this morning, I actually felt pretty good. On less sleep than usual. So, maybe I have been getting too much sleep all my life.
There's one more problem. My dreams. Or nightmares, as they often are. I always dream. I would say I have dreams about 90 percent of the times I'm sleeping. And, for quite a long time, most of these were nightmares. We're not talkin' your normal nightmare either, these things scared me so bad that it would take me a minute to understand they didn't actually happen when I woke up.
Usually, I'm being chased. Someone is after me and they are going to hurt me. Or my house or my room is under siege. I've been shot in my dreams, I've been kidnapped, and I've been running from wild animals. I've really almost died in my dreams too. But of course, I always wake up right before that happens. They say that if you die in your dream, then you're really dead. Hopefully, that's an urban legend. I think I dream in nightmares because of stress, of worry, of fear. I mean, I worry constantly when I'm awake, so I guess it makes sense that these feelings carry over in to sleep.
Anyway, as you can conclude, sleep has always been a problem for me, and it continues to be. My lack of sleep seems to conincide with my dreaming. In fact, I almost sleep worse when I have those vivid dreams. That doesn't make sense at all, since the dreams mean I'm in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is the deep sleep that's supposed to make you less tired in the morning.
But it's when I have these dreams that I get the least sleep. It's when I wake up knowing exactly what I dreamt about that I feel tired and groggy. But when I don't remember my dreams, when I've only touched the surface of sleep, that's when I feel most refreshed. I know, it completely contradicts the scientific explanation. What can I say, I'm an enigma.