Monday, August 01, 2005

My own personal drug

It has happened to me. Again. A little thing we call "writer's block." This is really getting old, people. I write for a freakin' living. And yet lately I suck at it. And like I said before, a couple posts back in my old Blurty journal, it's the material that's the problem. It becomes so tiring writing about the same types of things. This time around it is distracted driving, which is actually rather interesting. I don't mind reading about it, but I sure as heck do not want to write about it.

I thought maybe some Christian contemporary music would help me, because usually it inspires me. But I guess it only inspires under normal circumstances, because it's not working. These are not normal circumstances...these are extreme fifth stage writer's block circumstances. This is me being stubborn and practically refusing to write. I've tried to stimulate myself...I've read other people's blogs, I've read over my interview notes, I've been listening to this music all's all in vain.

So, then I start looking through my personal files, and I find one called "random." I wrote this little paragraph a few months ago, back when I was trying to do my grad school essay:

I’m having the urge to write. Maybe that’s why my e-mails have been so poetic lately. I am feeling things that need writing. I love that place I go when I have these thoughts floating around in my head and they jump out and on to the paper like I willed them to do it. And by the time you take a breath and look up, you’ve got a page of words. Then another page. And another. It makes me feel special. Accomplished. Like I can do anything. I think this must be how books get written.

A magical night of bliss begins and ends with a kiss.

Una notte d’amore magica inizia e finisce con un bacio.

Yes, it is a completely random thing to write. But now when I can't seem to get a thought on paper, I can look at that paragraph and take myself back to that day when I felt like I could write a novel. And you know what happened that day after I wrote that paragraph? I wrote my entire grad school essay. The whole thing! And I know it was half decent, because a month later I got my acceptance letter. Writing really is like some sort of drug. Even though I don't technically know what being "high" is like, I imagine it is somewhat like the way I feel when I write. So how do I get that feeling now? I read my random paragraph over and over and wait for my high to come. own personal drug.


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