A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

Bridget Jones had it right...

I read the ever-so-popular chick lit book, Bridget Jones's Diary, a couple years ago when it had just come on the scene. Back then, I never could quite understand Bridget's strong disdain for "smug marrieds"--her term for married couples and just couples in general. But now I realize I didn't understand it because I was one of those couples, and so were all my friends. I was surrounded by coupledom, and it suited me.

But now that I'm single, I totally get it. Bridget had a damn good point. The problem with couples is that it's nearly impossible for them to co-exist with singles. It's like apples and oranges. Couples and singles don't mix. How not fun is it to go to a movie--or even worse, dinner--with your couple friends? Sure, they can tell you how happy they are to have you there all they want, but that doesn't change the fact that you're just the third (or even the fifth) wheel.

Now, my problem is that I've suddenly switched categories. There I was, at the height of my coupledom, enjoying being with all of my couple friends, when suddenly I was thrown out of the mix. Now I'm the only single out of my group. And I find that it's a difficult transition because I've got almost no single friends.

It's not that I can't hang out with my coupled friends now, it's that it's harder to hang out with them. They've got built-in companions in their boyfriends, and I've got...well, no one. I think sometimes the smug marrieds of the world don't realize how lonely we singles can get. They take the fact that they have an insta-companion for granted. And in that kind of a relationship, it's easy to forget about other people. Heck, I know I was guilty of it when I was coupled up.

What's even more frightening is that a bunch of my couple friends are now engaged. One after another, they're dropping out of the single world forever. They're all taking this new step forward, and it scares me. I mean, obviously I'm thrilled for them and I'm so excited that they've found happiness with someone. But on the other hand, I'm being left behind. When they're married, I'm really going to be in a different category. Heck, we'll even have to check different boxes on our tax forms--me single, them married.

And I know what's going to happen too. I know their husbands will have to come first. That's the way it is, right? Once you've got a husband, he is everything. You have your own little family, and your friends become less to you. They might not mean less, but you definitely don't need them in the same way.

I really just don't want to lose my friends. Maybe that's why I'm scared.

Or maybe I'm scared because I'm so alone.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm finally realizing what it means to be married--to spend the rest of your life with one person and to value that person above others. And I wonder when it'll ever happen for me. And I wonder...

Will I ever be ready for it?

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 12:42 PM