It's just a car...
I must keep telling myself that. It is a machine. An inanimate object. It doesn't do anything except sit there and let me drive it. It's ONLY a car.So why am I so upset?
On my way in to the parking garage this morning, I ran into one of those big, square support poles. I mean, I really ran into it. I scraped up the whole entire rear passenger door, along with denting it and warping it. My side sill is also hanging down precariously on one side like it is trying to escape the ugly mess I've created.
When I got out of the car to survey the damage, I actually kept myself composed. I kept saying, "It can be fixed, it can be fixed." But when I came inside I made a beeline for the bathroom with my cell phone, and broke down in to tears--the first time I have ever cried at work in my entire life.
It looks horrible, it's all my fault, it's so unbelievably unnecessary. And from the looks of it, it's going to be a very expensive repair.
I just didn't need this right now, ya know? My life was actually going okay. I was feeling happier. I was being more social. I was watching less TV. But now I've got this to weigh me down. Now I am feeling self-depracating all over again.
I just am so angry at myself. And I'm scared, too. You see, I have this eye problem. Long story short, my eyes don't really move together all the time, so I have horrible depth perception. My driving ability aside, I know this problem has most likely contributed to many of my car accidents because they always occur with something in my peripheral vision.
In this case, for instance, the pole was on the right side, which is the eye that does not have much peripheral mobility. My other most recent car conundrum, when I hit a nasty curb, also occurred on my right side.
I've also had my share of accidents on the left side...this is because my left eye, while having full mobility, has really bad vision. Now I've got glasses for that, but before I had them, I had to turn my head at an extreme angle past where I would normally hold it just to see clearly on my left. This is my explanation for the great school bus incident of 2000. I won't go in to details here, but I was trying to change lanes on the left, I turned my head too much, and I didn't see the school bus stop in front of me. And I hit it.
Sounding scary yet? The worst part is...what can I do about this? I have to keep driving. I have no other option. I guess I just need to exercise more caution in the future. But I don't really know how to avoid these things from happening because they just happen. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm running into something.
And now my car, my poor beautiful car, is ruined. Sure, it'll get fixed. But that doesn't change the fact that I did this to it. I disfigured it. It's going to need new body parts and new paint. And I'll probably be out over a grand. Lovely. Great way to save money. Go me.
Just this morning, one of the guys working in our yard referred to my car as "that little yellow racecar." It filled me with such a sense of pride. Because I love my car. I really do. I love it, and I'm proud of it.
But I guess that's the problem. I shouldn't be so attached to a machine. I shouldn't want to cry when I think about it all wounded in its parking space in the cold garage.
After all, no one was hurt.
The car will be fixed.
And hopefully, so will I...as long as I remember that it's just a car.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 12:12 PM
2 Comments:
Awwww. It's ok to be upset. I'd be just as distraught, if not more, if I did the same to my baby, which is now just over a year old.
Thanks Nicole. It's good to know there are people out there just as crazy as me. Crying over a car...sheesh.
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