Always on Your Side
He didn't call me on my birthday.I knew he wouldn't. I knew he shouldn't. But I still find myself feeling disappointed.
It's simply one more reminder that it's all over.
We'll never be the same. I've lost a best friend. And that's the way it has to be.
I feel empty. It's almost like the feeling I get when I'm hungry. But my stomach is still full from dinner. It's not food that I need.
I want love. I want that feeling back. And yet I know that even if we were still together, that feeling wouldn't be there.
Those days are over, but I remember when we used to be happy. So happy.
When I was home for the summer and far away from him, I'd walk around the house holding a framed picture of us. I'd sleep with it right next to my bed. I'd write gushy entries in my diary about the perfect moments we spent together. I'd spend endless hours thinking up the perfect gift for him: an engraved memory box, a framed collage filled with our pictures, a hand-made Valentine's Day card.
I loved feeling like I could give him the world. I loved being his world. I loved knowing that he felt the same way.
Knowing that he'd always be on my side.
I thought I was over this. But all it takes is a Saturday night spent alone in my bed listening to a beautiful, melancholy song to get me thinking again.
Hurting. Wanting. Holding back tears.
I can't concentrate tonight. I can just lean my head back against the headboard, close my eyes and listen to this song, feeling the pain I've felt so many times before.
Thinking that maybe if I let myself feel it just one more time, it'll release me.
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years
Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 10:28 PM
5 Comments:
You'll get that feeling back, I promise. The wait can kill you, I know, but you know it's worth it :)
Strange how one song can trigger all these emotions and these memories. It took one song for me to cry like a river for hours and hours. I hope you feel better today, Lauren. I am sending warm hugs your way!
The thing is, if he leaves you feeling like this, he isn't "the one." Trust me, I went through this. It was a long road and I really thought for a long time that he was on my side, but it turns out, he wasn't. Really look at it. If he was on your side, he wouldn't do that to you. It took a while, but I found the one that is on my side, and it is just different. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will be different. God bless.
I came across this by mistake, however, upon reading this, I realized your words echoed my thoughts. We spent the same night paralled in emotion. It does hurt so very much. I read all the posted comments and find comfort that I am not alone. However, I must add, what makes this so incredibly strange to me, is I went on the web to browse for "comforting comments from God" for ideas in sending a card to a sick friend. How incredible is this? As I do, I am sure you are taking one day at a time, and feeling just a little better each day. God Bless
really how i feel these days a total emptiness in u r heart.. like we have lost something really valuable..u really made ma emotions burst out which i have been hiding deep inside ma heart..thank u
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