The Unknown Variable
So, dating.
I'm not really sure I like it.
I've barely even started, and it's, like, so complicated already. All this crap about when to call and what to do and who's going to pay. And that doesn't even include the part about who makes the first "move." What a mess.
Oh, and most importantly, it's not so easy to find a mutual attraction. It seems like the playing field is always uneven--girl likes boy more than boy likes girl, or vice versa. This creates all kinds of problems on all kinds of levels, and simply exacerbates all of the above.
So I find myself thinking...why can't I just find the PERFECT MAN? And exactly one second after I thought that, the epiphany came to me: This is what every other straight woman on the face of the EARTH is also thinking.
This is not a new concept. It may, however, be new to me. In my previous life of coupledom, I never actually entertained the fact that I could find this "perfect man." But now that I've had plenty of experience to realize what I do and do not like, I find that I am far less tolerant of the "do not like" qualities. I'm ready for something BIG, real and PERFECT, goddammit.
Something a little easier, where I don't have to "accept" undesirable qualities and where we can share mutual passions, and even mutual attraction.
I really think I deserve it.
But then I think, am I being too picky? Should I give some people a chance even though they don't entirely measure up? Or would that be dating just for the sake of dating?
Quite frankly, dating kind of sucks, and I'm not sure I want to do it just to do it. It's really not fun enough for that. And hello, I'm a relationship girl. I don't think I can really just date/fool around without the possibility of a long-term arrangement.
So, I've decided to compile the essence of my PERFECT MAN. This way, I at least know what I'm up against. Yes, I know I'm insane. Here goes...
LAUREN'S PERFECT MAN:
- Enjoys reading for pleasure
- Knows how to write well
- Has an interest in art and culture
- Impresses the hell out of me without trying too hard
- Eats healthy most of the time, and binges with me on occassion
- Exercises and cares about his body
- Brushes his teeth twice a day
- Will entertain going to a vegetarian restaurant with me
- Isn't overly interested in the bar/club/drinking scene
- Has an ambitious, goal-oriented profession (i.e., not a golf caddy/bartender/retail associate)
- Likes to spend lots of time with me
- Likes to talk, but not gossip too much
- Is a gentleman when he needs to be
- Doesn't engage in constant public displays of affection
- Isn't too religious and leaves me to my own devices in that area
- Is smoking hot (in my opinion, not necessarily society's)
- Helps me to try new things, meet new people, etc.
- Will always stand up for me
- Is charismatic and has that extra spark in his eye
- Can appreciate quality films in any genre and discuss them with me
- Can put up with my stupid TV shows...and even watch them with me
- Can cook once in a while (or even better, all the time)
- Gives me thoughtful--and not just expensive or practical--gifts
- Writes poetry or plays a sexy instrument (guitar, anyone?)
- Surprises me with flowers every once in a while
- Knows how to maintain and possibly fix a car
- Likes nice cars
- Can laugh with me and at me
- Can accept the fact that I don't eat seafood and not push it on me
- Listens to music other than just mysoginistic rap
- Doesn't make serious comments degrading any race, social class or gender
- Can roll with the punches
- Is almost always on time
- Wants children
- Dresses nicely when appropriate
- Can be a lazy bum with me on weekends
- Loves animals, especially my pet cockatiel
- Isn't afraid to make the first move
- Isn't afraid to split the bill
- Loves to cuddle
- Loves bubble baths
- Will participate in outdoor activities: bike-riding, walks in the woods, rowing, ice skating, rollderblading, etc.
- Appreciates nature
- Is very close with his family
- Doesn't lie
- Doesn't cheat or steal, get into fights, insult people all the time, etc.
- Loves my friends
- Loves my family
- Loves ME!
As my mom always told me, "Don't settle on the important things." And I think she's right. If a factor is missing from the equation, things just don't add up. I always sucked at math, but in this case, I want to get the equation right.
Yeah, my list may seem pretty implausible, and clearly every guy I date is not going to possess all of these qualities. But the one I marry? He sure as hell is gonna.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 12:48 PM
4 Comments:
Ya know..I've come to realize that while the idea of the "perfect" man or woman sounds nice, it does not exist. And if people keep searching for this "perfection", that's all they'll ever do...search. I agree that I'm not perfect and so shouldn't expect my partner to be absolutely perfect either. The key is to learn that things can be well and happy with imperfection. I'm not saying settle for what you can get...find someone you're passionate about and hold on to them...flaws and all. Just my bit of advice :0)
The attributes you present here are what many of us women look for in a man. The thing is, unless you're going to be extremely lucky and be at the right moment in time in the right place, you may never encounter the man that has every single one of these attributes. Honestly, how many women can say their men is 100% perfect?
My boyfriend, for instance, is perfect in the sense that he possesses a great character and more or less matches the physical attributes I seek in a man and has a successful career. However, he lacks in certain areas, such as romance and artistic tendencies. But I don't love him any less. It's the person inside of him I love. It's the way he makes me feel, so special and beautiful everyday. It's the way he is different from me because if he were just like me, our relationship would be so dull. Challenge is what makes us grow as a couple.
I think that you'll know when you find the right man and you'll soon find yourself forgetting all those minor attributes that you thought you couldn't live without in the first place. In the meantime, keep an open mind. You never know what wonderful man is going to be knocking at your door. Appearances can be deceiving, as we all know.
That's a long list, but you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone who qualifies.....except for the part about bubble baths. :)
S: Brilliant advice, as always.
Cinthia: Same to you. Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a lovely relationship.
Gary: Who doesn't like bubble baths?!?
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