Tuesday, February 21, 2006

It's Official

I don't know how to flirt.

Once upon a time, I used to know. But after being in a relationship for so many years, I'm afraid I've forgotton how.

I think this results largely from the fact that I've spent the last four or five years sending off "I'm taken" vibes to any guy within a five-mile radius. I got really good at either completely ignoring members of the opposite sex or just plain not even noticing them. I'd never even crack a smile. This goes double for the times that a guy would actually look at me. In these cases I would just stare vacantly or look quickly away.

I can't even remember the last time I looked a man in the eyes and held my gaze. Nowadays, if I see a cute guy in the elevator, I do nothing. If he looks at me, I look down. It's almost as if I am afraid. People keep telling me to emanate friendliness. How am I supposed to do this when I'm so out of the habit of even smiling at people?

I guess it'll just take practice. Today, I got into the elevator with an older guy and quickly stepped to the back, head down. I could feel him looking at me, so I popped my head up and gave him a quick smile. He didn't really smile back--I think I took him by surprise--but it's a start.

Smiling is just the most rudimentary form of flirting, and I can't even get that down. So you can guess how I fare with actually speaking to guys. Most of my problem is that I wouldn't know if I was flirting even if I was doing it.

I've actually been told that I am a natural flirt, just because of my sweet nature. But I think this only happens with people I feel comfortable around. Take UW, for instance. I probably flirt with him accidentally all the time. Once, I even touched his knee while talking to him. And I didn't do it because I wanted to flirt, I just did it instinctively.

I'm like this with my friends, too. I don't go around touching them, but I'm confident with them. I can make jokes and say witty things. I'm always on top of my game.

But when I do want to flirt, even with a guy who is already a friend, I'm completely incapable. If it's someone I like, I'm okay at making casual conversation, but I have no idea how to let them know I'm interested. And I wouldn't dare touch their knee.

Or, I might think I'm flirting with them, but really I'm just being my regular self and I need to take it up a notch. I just don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be coy, cute, foxy.

I think I'm just not used to interacting with guys properly. I'm used to ignoring all randoms and being overly nice to the ones I already know. What I need to do is give the randoms some encouragement and stop giving out the wrong signals to any others.

And most importantly, I need to look the world in the face and smile.

People love you when you smile
And hate you when it's through
Lots of happiness
We are wishing you
If you come from Jamaica or Honolulu, yeah
Keep a smile on your face
I'll see the good that you do
~ Vitamin C

4 Comments:

At 1:43 AM, Blogger Gary said...

You are on the right track. A smile will do wonders for you. It will also make you feel good.

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I do the exact same thing when I come across a guy I'm attracted to! Instead of being friendly and smiling at him, I look the other way and act as cold as a fish.

I swear it's like we're related or something... :)

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Sleepy Girl said...

Haha, Cinthia, we sure do have a lot in common! It's nice to be able to relate, isn't it?

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger ExBF said...

Boy, that sounds familiar...I guess it ain't always true what they say about riding a bike...

 

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