A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

It's Official

I don't know how to flirt.

Once upon a time, I used to know. But after being in a relationship for so many years, I'm afraid I've forgotton how.

I think this results largely from the fact that I've spent the last four or five years sending off "I'm taken" vibes to any guy within a five-mile radius. I got really good at either completely ignoring members of the opposite sex or just plain not even noticing them. I'd never even crack a smile. This goes double for the times that a guy would actually look at me. In these cases I would just stare vacantly or look quickly away.

I can't even remember the last time I looked a man in the eyes and held my gaze. Nowadays, if I see a cute guy in the elevator, I do nothing. If he looks at me, I look down. It's almost as if I am afraid. People keep telling me to emanate friendliness. How am I supposed to do this when I'm so out of the habit of even smiling at people?

I guess it'll just take practice. Today, I got into the elevator with an older guy and quickly stepped to the back, head down. I could feel him looking at me, so I popped my head up and gave him a quick smile. He didn't really smile back--I think I took him by surprise--but it's a start.

Smiling is just the most rudimentary form of flirting, and I can't even get that down. So you can guess how I fare with actually speaking to guys. Most of my problem is that I wouldn't know if I was flirting even if I was doing it.

I've actually been told that I am a natural flirt, just because of my sweet nature. But I think this only happens with people I feel comfortable around. Take UW, for instance. I probably flirt with him accidentally all the time. Once, I even touched his knee while talking to him. And I didn't do it because I wanted to flirt, I just did it instinctively.

I'm like this with my friends, too. I don't go around touching them, but I'm confident with them. I can make jokes and say witty things. I'm always on top of my game.

But when I do want to flirt, even with a guy who is already a friend, I'm completely incapable. If it's someone I like, I'm okay at making casual conversation, but I have no idea how to let them know I'm interested. And I wouldn't dare touch their knee.

Or, I might think I'm flirting with them, but really I'm just being my regular self and I need to take it up a notch. I just don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be coy, cute, foxy.

I think I'm just not used to interacting with guys properly. I'm used to ignoring all randoms and being overly nice to the ones I already know. What I need to do is give the randoms some encouragement and stop giving out the wrong signals to any others.

And most importantly, I need to look the world in the face and smile.

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 1:36 PM