Today
It's Groundhog Day, one of my favorite holidays. And I can't even write a post about it.I can't be witty. I can't be creative. I can't think straight.
I can only sit here and contemplate my life, my family, and everything that has led up to this day.
I can only question why certain things happen.
I can only try to understand how everything has suddenly changed.
Yes, it's Groundhog Day, but it's also the day I finally accepted the facts: My dad has cancer and he needs chemotherapy. He is sick, and he's going to get sicker, and I'm afraid.
I'm afraid the chemo will drain him.
I'm afraid I can't be strong for him and for my family.
I'm afraid...that we will lose him, and I'm even more afraid to say that out loud.
Up until this day, I hadn't thought of that as an option. I thought maybe the cancer was localized. Or, if not that, then surely it hadn't progressed past the second stage. I thought everything would be okay, because he's such an inherently good person.
But I guess none of that matters. We're dealing with something much bigger than I can fathom--something so unsettling that I get nauseous when I think about it. And if I keep thinking about it, I lose myself in it.
It's swallowing my family. And it's not fair.
Please let us make it through this.
Please let us beat the odds.
And for once...please let me have faith.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 12:48 PM
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