Worrying is my specialty
I can't concentrate.I can't sleep.
I can't do anything.
I've always been a worrier, but lately my anxiety has taken on astronomical proportions. Obviously, finding out that your dad is really sick will do that to you. My life has been interrupted and it hasn't yet bounced back. How do I bounce back from something like this?
How do I sit at work when my dad is at the hospital wincing as he gets out of bed so that he can get his strength up? When he is all alone in that dark, sterile room with nurses taking his blood and checking him constantly?
How do I go on with my normal routine when I've been at the hospital for hours on end, day in and day out? When I know more about that hospital than I'd ever want to know and more about it than what's going on at work?
How do I go to class when I could be visiting my dad and keeping my mom company? When at any moment we could get the call about his test results?
How do I live when everything is hanging in the balance?
Thinking of all these things I have to do just makes me tired. I have plenty to do at work, but I'm not doing it. I have to go to class tonight, but I'm not looking forward to it. I had to get up this morning, but it took every ounce of self control I had not to roll back over and call in sick.
I dread human interaction. I just can't stomach having to be pleasant and polite and chipper right now. Not when there's this war raging inside me.
I want to be in one of two places: My bed, sleeping for 24 hours straight, or the hospital, being with my family.
I belong no where else.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 1:45 PM
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