A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

The Hospital

It's a scary place.

If you're there, it's not where you want to be.

It's sterile and cold.

Until this year, I hadn't been in a hospital in ages. Then a co-worker became hospital-bound because she was pregnant with twins. I visited her. I felt the smallness of her room, sensed the lonliness of the place. I silently thanked the world for sparing me from ever spending too much time in a hospital.

And then January hit, and the hospital became my second home. I learned my way around. I drove straight there from work. My mom and I ate meals there, rested there, even cried there.

Right after we found out about the cancer, my mom broke down in tears in the main lobby. And people just went on with their business, breezing past, trailing IVs, stealing a glance or two. I guess tears are just typical in a hospital.

People expect them.

It's probably the only place you can sob hysterically and gratuitously in public without creating a spectacle. We walked around with red, flustered eyes and no one seemed to even notice.

Everyone in a hospital has their own problems. When you're in a crisis situation, you can only worry about yourself, your loved ones. Your problem becomes the biggest problem in the world, and you don't pay attention to anyone else.

I know I didn't.

I cannot remember much of anything about the hospital except my own experiences. I can't even tell you if I saw anyone else crying, because I wasn't looking. I was only looking at my mom as she buried her face in her hands and murmured inaudible words through tears on her cell phone.

I never want to see her in that kind of pain again.

And for that matter, I'd much rather never be in a hospital again. I've had two surgeries, I've visited my dad, I know the fear he felt...I think I've paid my dues now. That's the thing about life, though. It doesn't matter what you want or what's happened to you before.

You don't always get your way.

There are people who have had easier times than me and people who have had it a lot worse. We all have wonderful fortune, and we all have bad luck. It's how we deal with it that defines us. And I am so proud of my family for this past month.

It's been a nightmare, and we've come through it. Our love for one another is intact and stronger than ever. My dad is happy and hugging me tightly every night before bed.

My family amazes me.

And more than anything, I'm thankful for that.

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 2:00 PM