A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

One Final Goodbye

I've been mulling over how to write about this for the past four days. I don't want it to come out like an attack. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to use insults.

But the fact of the matter is, for some reason or another, I'm hurt. I'm hurt because the guy I devoted five years of my life to, the guy that I at one point thought I would marry, the guy that I put all my faith in...has disappointed me one last final time.

The other day, he cut off all communication with me.

Now, up to that point, we really hadn't been speaking anyway. We were both going on with our lives without eachother. But for some reason, he felt compelled to let me know that we would no longer be friends, acquaintances, anything.

So all those times when he told me we'd always be there for each other, I guess he lied.

All those times he said he respected me so much as a person.

The times he told me he always wanted to be in touch.

Lies, lies.

The abruptness of his "excommunication" felt like a slap in the face. It came out of nowhere. He told me that he read my blog and it sounded like I was having a hard time getting over him. So, basically, he took my internal thoughts and used them against me, all the while feigning that this was for my own good.

Of course I'm having a hard time. We had a very lengthy, very emotionally-involved relationship. I'm still mourning the loss of that. But that doesn't mean I'm mourning him.

It wasn't until later that I found out the real reason for his recent actions: he's got a new girl.

I'm happy for him. But I'm not happy about the fact that as soon as someone new came into his life, I was forced out with a simple "best wishes, take care."

I didn't expect to remain close with him. But more than that, I didn't expect to be treated this way. I deserve better.

I think what's bothering me so much now is the fact that I am just now realizing the type of person he is. He's the type of person to let someone else determine his actions. He's the type to act like something's for your own good when he's the only one benefitting. He's the type to be your best friend and then talk shit about you the second you leave the room.

I don't know why I never saw any of this before.

He has made me feel like I just wasted the last five years of my life. I clearly didn't teach him anything. He clearly didn't learn, or become a more mature, decent human being. What was it all for?

Well, the answer is easy: I learned from it. I've learned to be an independent woman. While he's off jumping into a new overly-dependent relationship, I'm giving myself time to breathe. I'm moving on, too...with myself.

I know my anger and hurt over this recent incident will fade easily away. And I'm fine. Perfectly fine and satisfied with the knowledge that we are truly over. He may not realize this but, we've been truly over for months. It had nothing to do with whether we were speaking or not.

This recent action just gives me a new reason to be angry. But the anger won't last--after all, I don't have stock in him anymore. It doesn't matter to me how he treats people. He's someone else's problem now.

You know, I can't even remember the date we broke up. I believe it was early October, but I don't have a specific number in mind.

But the other day, Monday, March 20, that's a date I'll remember. It's the day he dropped me like a bad habit just because some girl told him to.

And I'll never forget that.

PS: If he's reading this, then he deserves all the shit I just threw at him. I told him to stop reading. And if he is truly done with me, he shouldn't be looking at this blog ever again. Best wishes, sucker.

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 12:11 PM