A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

Award-winning Curves

Today I opened one of the many film/video forwards I receive on a regular basis. I am scrolling down until a large blue headline catches my eye. It reads:

"FULL-FIGURED MODELS CASTING CALL. SEPTEMBER 17TH, 2005 5:00-6:30PM @ THE AVALON STUDIO FOR MOVEMENT & DANCE 15, MELLOR AVE CATONSVILLE, MD
No Experience Necessary-Training is available. All Heights/Sizes 10 & up.

Wait. I do a double take. Sizes 10 and up? What? Size 10?!? But I am a size 10! And so I come to a startling realization: I might just be full-figured. This feels strange to me. I never thought of myself as a "full-figured" woman. I was always the petite, rather bony one...until about four years ago, when I started college. Somehow, I just kept gaining a few pounds at a time, a little more each year. It may have had something to do with the food, but it probably had a lot more to do with the fact that I rarely exercised. I didn't feel a sense of urgency to do so, figuring that my quick metabolism would keep up with my lifestyle.

Well, the metabolism didn't do such a hot job. It slowed waaay down. I now weigh more than I ever have in my life, which still is by no means overweight. But I feel for overweight for me. And I still have this idea of myself as a generally thin person...or at least I had this idea until I read that e-mail and realized that size 10's are considered full-figured. The fact is...I'm not full-figured... on top. It's just the bottom half of me that's the problem...well, mostly my middle. Let me put it this way: I have great child-bearing hips and a behind to match.

Yes, I could stand to lose weight and to tone myself up. But, I do enjoy the fact that I look healthy. I think I'm a pretty healthy size. I look better with some meat on me. My boyfriend also seems to like it...just the other night, he said I had "award-winning curves." But I by no means want to be classified as full-figured.

I think this is a sad fact. It is so sad that society has caused me to feel this way. I should not despise myself for the way I look...and I also should not despise the word "full-figured" (which, in my opinion, is a really nice way of saying big, or fat...they should just say in the ad, "We want big girls. Really big. With big hips and big asses."). But I feel this way. I feel I am a petite person trapped in a full-figured person's body. And this makes me feel horrible, mainly because of my own vanity. I have always thought to myself that I am so lucky not to have to worry about my weight. Well, I think my luck has run out. I need to worry. Because right now, I'm just on the edge of the full-figured precipice. And if I've reached the point where society classifies me as a plus-sized girl, then I must do something.

There shouldn't be anything wrong with being plus-sized (aside from the fact that it may be unhealthy), but I feel like it is wrong for me to be that way. I wish I didn't feel that way...I wish I didn't feel such pressure to be a thin girl. But if I'm going to be happy, then I think I need to change myself. I by no means want to be stick-thin like so many young girls nowadays. But I do want to look better while retaining my curves and healthy glow. If I can just get out of that full-figured category, maybe I'll be happy with myself. Or maybe I just never will, no matter what my size.

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 2:31 PM