Cut Off
So this is what it feels like.I left my cell phone at home today, accidentally. I think this is the only time I have ever gone off to work without it.
The sinking feeling hit me in the pit of my stomach about 10 minutes into my commute. I quickly debated turning around, but common sense prevailed and I didn't look back. And yet, the whole drive, I wished I would've just taken those extra minutes to speed home.
I kept thinking I heard it vibrating. I'd turn down the music and jerk my head toward my purse, only to realize all over again that the phone wasn't there.
Now I sit at work feeling...uneasy. It's a strange, worried feeling. Almost as if a part of me is missing.
I knew I was very reliant on my phone, I just never knew I was this reliant. It's my connection to the outside. Sure, I have a phone at work, but no one calls me here. And for that matter, I don't know anyone's numbers because they're all in my phone. Which I don't have. Because it's at home sitting on the kitchen counter.
What am I going to do if something happens to my car? Sure, it's practically new, but knowing my luck the day I don't have my cell phone is the same day I have some car-related catastrophe.
And what am I going to do on my long drive home without my phone to keep me occupied? I usually call someone to prevent myself from literally falling asleep as my car inches slowly forward in traffic.
I remember back in 2004, I dropped my phone (well, my entire purse) into a fountain. My phone died and never turned on again. The next two days were pure hell. I didn't have any of the phone numbers I needed, and I seriously could not communicate with the outside world (I was in the process of moving, so I didn't even have a computer for e-mail or IM). I resorted to using my roommate's phone to make short calls.
I bought a new phone as soon as I possibly could, and all was right with the world again. But I didn't learn my lesson.
When I moved into my own apartment later that year, I never bothered to get a land line. I had my trusty cell phone, after all. But what would have happened if I lost my phone? Luckily, I never had to find out.
I remember another time when I left my phone at home. My ex and I took his boat out on the Potomac for the day. When I realized I forgot my phone, I completely flipped. "What if something happens to us? What if my mom is trying to call me?" Yes, in case you were wondering, the boat had a radio. Yes, I completely overreacted. And yes, he had to convince me that we shouldn't go all the way home just so I could get my phone.
And now, here I am, without my phone again. Yes, it's only for a day, but I'm still having the same irrational reaction. I am clearly far too reliant on this form of technology.
Obviously, there was a time before cell phones. I didn't get my first one until the very end of high school or beginning of college. What did I used to do back then?
I think I need to remember that my phone is really just a security blanket for me--a modern convenience. It's not everything. It's not something that should ruin my day if I don't have it, or send me into total panic mode. It's odd, but I think it's actually taken away some of my independence.
So, I guess this phone-free day is good for me. I'm cut off. It feels wrong, but I think I will try to embrace this feeling. It's actually kind of liberating. For today, I am unreachable, no matter how many times you call. Ha!
Let's just hope I don't fall asleep in traffic.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 10:39 AM
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