Last Chance
Life is so fragile.I've been reminded yet again of that simple fact.
Today I found out that a girl I knew in high school just passed away. I don't know what happened, but it was obviously sudden. She was only 23 or 24.
There she was, going to school, working, living her life. Now she's gone. Just like that.
It's so eerie to see her Myspace page filled with comments from friends honoring her memory. And underneath all of those, comments from the days before she died, where people were just asking her to hang out. Who could've known that she only had a few days left?
And I don't really understand. It just seems so meaningless. Why was it her time to go? What is life for if not for living? Why do some people get to live to be old and have families, while others are taken so quickly?
This is the third person from my high school (that I know of) who has died since we graduated. And I know of a few people from college who have also passed away. It scares the hell out of me. It scares me because I can't imagine myself not living. Not doing the things I want to do in my life.
It scares me too because I can't imagine losing a good friend. I've never lost someone close to me who's not a family member. And yes, losing grandparents is horrible, but it's...different. They were able to live out their lives, have children and grandchildren, make a mark. But people my age? Or people even younger? We've barely even had our chance.
I'm so afraid to die. I know it could happen at any moment. Every time I get into my car could be my last. And that's why I'm kicking myself for feeling the way I did yesterday.
How can I get all depressed when I have a life to live? When I've been given this gift, this CHANCE, to do something real? For whatever reason, I'm still here, and I need to start appreciating life.
I've feared death for as long as I can remember. Not only my own death, but others as well. For the longest time, I was so paranoid that someone in my family would get gravely ill. And then, when that actually happened, it made me realize how nothing is concrete.
Life is so unpredictable, always changing. And I can't rely on good luck to get me through it. Inevitably, something horrible and world-shattering will happen to me. It already has. And it will happen again.
What can I do but try to prepare myself for it? I must truly appreciate every moment I have with the people I love. I must be a good daughter, a loyal friend, and a supportive sister. I must do everything in my power to live a fulfilling, satisfied life, no matter what the obstacles, and no matter how long it lasts.
I know I should not think of death as such a scary thing. I know that it can bring with it peace. And I truly hope that is what it has brought to my former classmate, and to those who love her. I hope that they can accept this sad turn of events and celebrate who she was. Remember and honor her.
Because in a time like this, what else can anyone do?
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 11:01 AM
2 Comments:
Lauren,
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's a very strange feeling to see this happen to people our age. People our age just aren't supposed to die. I try to tell myself that these things serve a greater purpose, but I really can't believe that. It's just a waste. A waste of life.
Please don't be scared to die. There really is no reason to be.
I understand if you're afraid something will happen to the people so close to you, people you love. i have that too, I think everyone does.
But you're right, all we can do is just try to live life to the fullest. Not just because every day can be your last, but simply because this life is worth living.
Take care, -x-
Seeing people with whom you had any kind of connection die, especially when they're this young, brings some perspective into how we view life. I'm glad that this has helped you realize how precious life can be, and how important it is to savor and treasure every moment.
We don't know when it'll be our turn to go, but what we can do is make the most of today to live a rich, fulfilling life and to tell our loved ones how much we care for them and how much we love them because who knows, we may not be able to tomorrow.
Warm hugs,
Cinthia
Post a Comment
<< Home