A Sleepy Girl's Thoughts on Life

Extreme Dating

Over the weekend while working on my short film with the two girls in my group, I got to do something special. Girl talk.

Previously, our interactions had only consisted of casual conversations about our film. But on Saturday, as we taped up large black trashbags to the windows (trying to simulate a night scene during daylight), our conversation became much more personal. And not surprisingly, we got on the subject of dating.

I explained the story about now I became single, expecting the usual sympathy for having just gotton out of such a long relationship. Well, it turns out that the older girl has been engaged twice. Hearing that really made me grateful that my experiences haven't really been so bad. She regaled us with tales of her evil ex's, funny dates she's been on, and all the male antics she's seen in her 34 years.

We laughed and laughed, throwing in "I'm sorry's" when appropriate and the occassional piece of advice (example: "Never ever go near him again for the rest of your life"). Then, it was my turn.

"Tell us a story, Lauren," they asked eagerly.

And I couldn't think of a single funny dating story.

Sure, I have serious relationship stories and serious betrayal stories. But those are definitely not stories I want to dredge up and talk about. I guess I'm short on stories simply because I haven't done much dating in my lifetime. I've really only had a few real or serious boyfriends, a few hook-ups, and a few "relationships" that lasted only a couple of weeks.

I've never done the casual dating thing, the blind date, the pick-up at a bar, or online dating. I haven't experienced the things that most people my age have. I guess I should consider myself lucky for that. I haven't really had to deal with horrendous dates, being cheated on, or even being treated very badly. For the most part, I've been able to spend time with good guys.

But good guys don't necessarily make good relationships. I've been with good guys, yes, but have I been with great guys? I'm not sure that I have. I don't think I've ever experienced amazing, over-the-top greatness, in any sense.

I've never been with a guy who I've considered smarter than me. I've never been with a guy who I was so attracted to that I couldn't keep my hands off him. I've never been with a guy whose sense of rightness and moral compass rivaled my own. I've never been with a guy that I've admired so much that I wanted to be like him.

I want all of those things in a man, but I have yet to find a single one.

So far, I've only seen the middle of the road. I know that I need to meet more guys if I'm going to find one that deviates from the middle and jumps into that other extreme. I need to have the bad dates, the set-ups, the jerks. Because if I don't meet all those guys, the ones in the negative extreme, how am I ever going to stop ending up with ones that are just...average?

I've come to the conclusion that one extreme or the other is far better than the middle. The middle is too easy at first. It sucks you in, and then you're stuck because you can't think of a good enough reason to claw your way out. It took me almost five years to think of that reason this last time.

And it was the simplest and most instinctual reason out there.

I want to be happy.

I've never been happy with average. It just took me 24 years and a whole lot of tears to realize it.

posted by Sleepy Girl @ 3:37 PM