Stifled
Living at home is getting to be...difficult.It's a weird thing actually, because I really do love living with my parents. I love talking to them. I love laughing with them. I love watching them dance around outside on the deck with oldies blaring from the speakers.
The one thing I don't like is the fact that they still act like my parents. And they still expect me to act like their little girl.
They don't expect me to stay out late. They don't expect me to go anywhere without telling them first. They don't expect me to be gone more than I'm at home.
I think it's hard for them to accept that I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. That I'm finally at a point in my life where I just want to relax a little bit.
Yeah, I don't mind sitting at home with my parents watching TV. But if that's my entire life, boy does that get depressing. I don't want to just sit around anymore. I don't want to just do homework on the weekends. I don't want to be so...boring.
So, lately, I've been doing what I want, regardless of how they feel about it. And yet, I feel so guilty for it. I feel guilty because I don't want to worry them. I feel guilty because sometimes I'd rather be somewhere else than at home with them. I feel guilty because it's easier to ignore everything going on at home.
My dad started treatment this week. He seemed fine at first, but now I know that he's not feeling well at all. And what can I do about it? I feel helpless, and I feel guilty for wanting to run away from the entire situation. I want to go out tonight...but should I stay at home instead? Does my dad need me? Or will my presence just bother him?
My parents say they never see me anymore. That makes me feel bad. But I also have to ask myself...what is there for me at home? Every time I sit there in my room, I just get down. I think about how lonely I am. Now that I've been constantly surrounding myself with people, I've been a lot happier.
But my happiness is overshadowed by my parents. By their comments: "Don't you ever do homework anymore?" or "You got home at 2 am last night!" By my mom's e-mails to me where she signs her first name instead of "Mom."
She says she does that because she's not allowed to behave as a mother would in this circumstance. What circumstance? I'm just staying out later than I used to and asking them not to interrogate me all the time and not to call me five times when I don't pick up my cell phone. I really don't feel like that's a big deal.
But I guess it's a big deal to them.
I guess I just feel guilty...for having my own life.
Does that mean it's time to move out again?
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 10:23 AM
1 Comments:
Sweety, you're 24, now's a pretty good time to move out, I reckon. :)
When my brother and sisters were still at home, everyone used to get in fights with everyone, which is normal, but still. Now they've all moved out, and when they come over to visit my parents there's just no time for argueing. Although you'd see him significantly less, if you did move out, you might even be more helpful and supporting for your dad, too, since there won't be any talks about the time you came in last night. Anyway, that was my thought, because for a moment you sounded exactly like one of my sisters, a month before she moved on to bigger and brighter things.
I still technically live at home, but I spend most of my time in my student house. Even during school holidays like the past two weeks. To be honest, i'd go nuts if I had to spend week in, week out with the folks again.
i'd start looking for appartments if I were you ;)
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