Always Half Empty
I don't get them.Those people who are so happy-go-lucky about everything. The ones who write things like "I love being in this world" and "I love my life" in their AIM or Myspace profiles. The ones who are always laughing, always offering up a nice phrase or a funny story. The ones who ask "Why are you sad?"
That's the thing. They don't get me just as much as I don't get them. They don't know why I'm sad, and even if they did, they still wouldn't get it.
They're optimists.
Me, the Pessimist
I've always categorized myself as a pessimist. For as far back as I can remember, I just knew that word described who I was.
Maybe that's because I never see the silver lining in a situation. Because I concentrate on the negative instead of the positive. Because my very first inclination is always to feel sorry for myself.
Them
I find that I can peg an optimist almost instantly.
I was interested in a guy a couple months ago, but there was something that bothered me about him. He was just too happy. Too upbeat, far too enthusiastic, and sickeningly nice. "Normal" people may see these qualities as strengths, but I just see them as annoyances.
Because how can I, the devoted pessimist, relate to an optimist of such severity? It is almost as if I feel he is missing something. Without that pointed ability to quickly zone in on the doldrums of life, he is not a whole person.
Empty or Full?
Being a pessimist can be damaging, yes, but it is also the only way I know to truly experience life and all that goes with it. I experience such a range of emotions. I let myself fall deep into the darkest depths. I let myself cry incessantly.
I give in to my emotions, almost always, whether they're happy or sad. I don't ignore the positive. Rather, I deal with the negative first. I just don't understand people who seem to exude that positive energy all the time. I find them exhausting.
And I'm sure they find me exhausting, too. And depressing, even.
I'm an emotional person. And this is how I live my life.
I don't choose to see the glass half empty. It's just what I do.
Sweet and Sour
My various profiles will never say that I love life. I will never say that I love my life. I'm grateful to be alive, yes, but I'm not ready to make such a blanket statement about my state of being. Sometimes I do feel like I love life, but sometimes I feel like it could be a whole lot better.
What is life without pain? Without torment and suffering? I keep wondering why bad things happen, but maybe they happen to teach us to appreciate what we really value in this world. To help us appreciate the sweeter times. After all--and to use a cliche (forgive me)--would the sweet really be so sweet without the sour?
I appreciate the bad just as much as I appreciate the good. Because the bad makes me who I am. And believe it or not, despite all my emotional issues, I've finally come to appreciate myself as a person.
I'm a pessimist.
And I like it that way.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 3:24 PM
5 Comments:
"He was just too happy. Too upbeat, far too enthusiastic, and sickeningly nice. 'Normal' people may see these qualities as strengths, but I just see them as annoyances."
I thought that was hilarious. Sounds like something Larry David would say. Uh, not to sound like a person who is way too happy or anything :)
Hope your Dad is doing OK.
Glad to know one of the normal people in my book: the pessimists! :)
Life is more interesting this way.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
A pessimist says "Life can't get any worse" and an optimist says, "Yes, it can!"
Hey pessimist!, I dunno whether I can say I have seen both sides! I used to be the too happy guy,you talk about, always very charged and all, but somehow I got depressed and all,it was a miserable time for me,Imagine a situation where all the emotions you show are a complete hoax,cuz really you don't feel a thing,a friend cracks a joke,everyone but me laughs,all my social relations felt like a hoax in my heart except my mum who I told everything, and that has taught me alot about life,I think now I know what I want in life and all that,I am now getting out of the depression, thank god, I can say am 70% what I used to be, though I regret ever being in such a situation,considering I don't even know what caused it,it made me realize that the guys I used to see as strange! maybe it wasn't their choice after all.when people say being a fool is bliss,sometimes I think they are right cuz you will realize most too happy guys never weigh in situations in totallity,maybe thats what keeps them happy, but if you can have this higher mindset I think you are talking about and still find it in your heart to be happy,I think that's the most meaningful way to exist.thats what am aiming for,it's been difficult but slowly I've been weeding out the -vity in my life, for 3 months now and I won't stop! sorry if I've confused -vity wit pessism and for the long rant too, but hey! peace an be easy
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