Runaway Train
Do you rememberthe smell of my hair
my favorite shirt
my eyes lighting up?
Do you remember
that time I threw your remote
that time you locked yourself crying in the bathroom
that time we each ate a two-foot wawa sub?
Do you remember
how I always left your TV on
how you left the toilet seat up
how we ate together at the table?
Do you remember
the way I laughed at you
the way I said I love you
the way I cried?
Do you remember
our pets
our birthdays
our home?
Do you remember the little things?
the habits
the gifts
the endless banter?
Do you remember the big things?
the fights
the smiles
holding me close?
Do you remember our firsts?
Do you remember our lasts?
our last movie
our last hug
our last kiss?
Do you remember
the night it all ended?
I remember.
Sometimes I wake up and realize that my life is passing me by. Sometimes I regret things that have happened. Sometimes I wish I could go back to different times. But mostly I savor the things I remember, both good and bad. The things that have marked me.
Even if it would make life easier to forget, I find myself hoping that my memories don't fade. And yet I see it happening already. I had trouble even thinking of specific moments to include in the poem I just wrote. And yet, the fact that I wanted to write that poem shows that I'm hanging on to something.
The past few years have been a blur of wonderful and heartbreaking moments. Right now, I remember them...mostly. But I suppose it's the natural progression to forget, especially when the subject is particularly painful or nostalgic. I suppose there's not a whole lot of good to be had from dwelling on the past. I suppose writing my feelings may help, but only to a certain extent.
I think I've reached that extent. There's only so much I can feel, write or say to mourn the loss of my relationship. There's only so much I can keep giving. Because it's not giving back anymore. It doesn't even exist...and I don't even want it to exist. I'm just continuing to adjust to the void it has left.
Memories may be precious, but I've realized something. In certain cases, forgetting is simply the best thing.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 1:15 PM
5 Comments:
I find the same things. I'm forgetting. Little by little. Sometimes when I'm writing about something though a memory will come to mind that I thought I had forgotten about.
Writing also serves to preserve the memories. And I'd rather have memories than nothing to look back on.
Forgetting is the best thing? I was ready to completely disagree with you on this one, since it seems to go against every "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"-fiber in my body. But maybe you're right. Maybe *some* things are best left forgotten.
Either way: I truly hope plenty of all the good and bad will stay with you. It's part of your life, and will be part of you forever. I can't see how forgetting a part of your life would do you any good.
Maybe...if you find yourself forgetting things, those things didn't matter. I'm sure you'll always carry many memories with you, be it subconsciously, that actually mean something.
Memories and earlier experiences make up a big part of what and who we are. They can't be forgotten.
I feel like I'm not making any sense. Just do me a favour a cherish the good memories. they're so much fun.
You're both right, of course. I know I'll always cherish the good memories. It's just that sometimes they make me sad. But perhaps the momentary sadness is worth it.
Of course it's worth it! How can you even question that?! The sole fact that they sometimes make you sad, make you féél, is reason enough to keep them close. And even if they make you sad 9 out of 10 times, that one time you're able to just smile and feel good about it, that one time is worth it. It's so worth it. -x-
I don't think it is bad to remember. What is bad is for someone to continually wish they could bring back the past. The present has all you need for you to be wonderfully happy.Putting your focus on what you DON'T have is not a good thing to do. Count your blessings.
BTW, I liked the poem. :)
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