Life Goes On
I look down at my turquoise strappy sandals--the ones that match the flowy skirt I'm wearing perfectly--and I see a small smudge of dirt. It's just a faint stain, but it sends a chill right through my heart.Because I've just realized that these are the shoes I was wearing the day my dad had his car accident. These are the cute sandals that trudged through the dirt with me to look at the accident scene, the ones I had to wash off when we got home from the hospital.
And this is the long flowy skirt I wore to work that day--50 days ago, to be exact. A Thursday, just like today, only very, very different.
It amazes me how easily I can block things out. It's not that I'd forgotton about my dad's accident, but I'd just gone on with my life. The little reminders of what happened have faded away: His cuts have been long healed, he's finally been able to go back to work, he bought a new car, he's started treatments again.
Even so, everything's still not how it used to be. He still can't sleep in his bed because it hurts him to lie flat. But regardless, life has simply...kept going...for all of us.
I guess it just makes me uneasy because I feel like we're in this nice lull. Almost two months have passed with nothing really bad happening. No hospital visits, no accidents, just business as usual.
And remembering that day, that feeling of panic, scares me. I remember that morning when he left for work. I said goodbye to him so nonchalantly. I don't even know if I told him I loved him. I was too occupied with my own morning routine.
And not even an hour later when I found out what happened, that nonchalant morning goodbye haunted me. What if that had been the last time I got to see him? To talk to him? To give him a hug?
The worst part is, I still don't think I hug him enough. I don't say "I love you, Dad" enough. Despite everything we've been through--every scare and every "lesson"--I still don't appreciate my time with him enough.
It's very easy for me to fall into a preoccupied state. To want to be away from my parents because living with them can get on my nerves. To want to do my own thing and not worry about them.
I suppose that wearning these shoes today was just the reminder I needed. The reminder that family should be my priority. That even though life goes on and time heals, we can't forget those important experiences--and the lessons we learned from them.
The reminder that my parents are growing older--and I'm growing up (yikes!), so I'd better make the most of every minute.
And nobody knows what's gonna happen tomorrow
So don't let go, now we've come this far
You've got to believe
it'll be alright in the end
-- Duran Duran
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 1:55 PM
3 Comments:
You know what, though... No matter how hard we try, those of us who really care will always think we haven't done enough. I know exactly how you feel.
Beautiful post.
I realize I don't spend enough time with my parents, especially my Dad, several times a year.
And still, I don't do a lot to change it.
I'm glad you're back. Missed your writing. You are writing better than ever.
Thanks for the kudos on this one, guys. It was one of those tough posts to get out. And you're right, it's never enough when it comes to our parents. Because really, how can we ever give to them what they have given to us?
Post a Comment
<< Home