To Sink or Swim
There have only been three guys I could see myself marrying.Three in 24 years.
I'm not sure if those are good odds or bad. Probably bad, though, considering that I barely knew one of them. I'm not giving any other details away, but the point is...how do I find "the one"?
It occurred to me today that I'll never really know for sure if someone is indeed the one I should marry. All I can know is what I feel. And if I feel perfectly confident, then I know it might be right. If I feel a little something tugging at my thoughts like a big black rain cloud, then I know it might be wrong.
I've felt both ways before. I've felt completely in love and confident that nothing in the world could keep me from my destiny--from marrying that man (or boy, as he was back when we were in high school). But of course, those hopes were dashed not even a year after I felt those strong feelings.
And I've felt the opposite of confident. I've deluded myself into thinking that someone was my destiny. But I could never completely ignore that pesky little feeling, the one that told me I would be making the wrong decision.
I don't really know what else to do other than try to be true to my feelings. They are all I have. And for better or for worse, I think they've served me well--when I've actually listened to them.
We all have a lot more truth in us than we think we do. It's abiding by the truth that's the hard part. It's doing what you know is healthy for you--rather than what is comfortable or safe. It's listening to your gut instinct even in the most trying circumstances.
I've learned to respect my gut instinct. And I'm hoping it will serve me well in my next pursuit. Online dating.
I'm just trying it out. I'm not going to get hopes up that it will actually accomplish anything. But I do at least hope to get some valuable learning experience out of it--whether it's good or bad.
And yet, I must admit that I still hold out that little glimmer of hope, that feeling that maybe this new avenue--though somewhat scary and completely unfamiliar--will help me find the fourth guy I can see myself marrying.
Even if I find him, and even if I don't end up marrying him, at least I will have loved again. Lived again.
Until then, the lonliness will continue to consume me. Hopefully I'll keep my head above water, gasping for air and fighting with all my slight might. I don't know how I'll survive without being able to float. I always sink right down because I'm afraid to get my ears wet.
Here's to the next six months of online dating. I'll be here, just treading water in a big sea of uncertain possibilities.
posted by Sleepy Girl @ 4:35 PM
13 Comments:
Don't give up, you're still young enough to wait a while if you have to. I'm sure it'll all slot into place :)
You'll be right! 3 in 24 years are good odds. I have never felt that way and am going through the same dilemma as you. But I haven't yet tried online dating and am not sure that I'm that brave!
Try 0 in 29 years. Online dating isn't so bad. It's like all dating. Basically the best you can hope for is some good conversation and a free dinner.
3 in 24 sounds pretty good to me... at least from where I stand.
I am 1 in 25... and hell, even that could have been a fluke.
I figure it will happen when it happens. I could be like my 23 year old sis (married twice, now sep. again) or my 18 year old bro (lving with his umm baby momma)... they aren't happy, so I figure I will take my time.
Good luck with the online dating. Despite its bad rep, I met some wonderful people while trying it out myself.
And please, try to find someone to compliment your wonderful persona, not someone to complete you.
PS - Be super specific in what you're looking for in your ad, you'll save yourself a lot of needless dates with the wrong type of people.
Look at this number of comments...you're at risk of becoming a popular blogger, Lauren! Combine your growing popularity in blog-o-verse with online dating and you'll meeting number four maybe sooner than you hoped. Or not, you can't predict these things. Online dating does seem to be working for many people, and it ís the easiest way to meet new people. So good luck with that.
And thréé men you could see yourself marrying in 24 years? That's not so bad at áll. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Good luck in the online dating industry, stay away from pervs and dirty little men whose nicknames begin with "horn". Please!
Wow, who knew that all I had to do was mention online dating and I'd get tons of comments! I think this is my most commented post ever. That being said, thank you all for your thoughts on the whole online dating thing. I am excited about it, and it's reassuring to know that you all speak so well of it.
Three is great! Some people find it hard to even find one.
And I heard some very good advice once - "It's right when your head agrees with your heart".
Good luck with online dating. Some people get very good outcomes.
I've dated four girls who I think at one point or another would have married me. Not that I felt the same about all of them.
You make some excellent points, as usual. Just remember to be true to yourself, and not settle or just be in something because it beats nothing.
Sometimes I wonder if I've missed something wonderful because I was in a relationship I should have gotten out of months before.
And yeah, with online dating, I'd say just be smart and cautious.
Strong feelings are necessary but not enough. You also have to coldly assess the other person's character and maturity. Too many people wait to do that AFTER they are married.
Try eHarmony.com. One of my friends recently got engaged through it. He had been struggling with dating for years and now he's found the love of his life. Two other close friends of mine are happily dating through it. I recommended all of them to the dating service and they've all done wonderful.
All the best.
3 in 24 is really quite good... and 24 is still young, so there's nothing to be afraid of. But it is always nice to know, I suppose. My cousin is trying online dating and loves it, if only for the sheer amount of people you get to meet. Good luck with it!
Well? I just stumbled across your blog tonight and I'm curious to find out how your online dating experiment has worked out so far... come on, post something! Or find my IM and tell me. I have met my last two gfs on match.com, but I broke up this summer because, like that dark thundercloud you mentioned, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. I'm taking my time before I jump back into the dating world, but that doesn't mean I can't live vicariously through you. ;-)
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