Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Year of Me

It's been one year.

One year that has undoubtedly been the most challenging and self-affirming of my entire life.

In the past year, I've felt heartbreak. Love. Pain. Intense relief.

I've felt emotions that I didn't even know existed until something happened that tore my world apart. I've been so far down into that deep dark hole of depression that I thought I'd never see the light again.

And I've come through it.

I've realized what's important in life. I've become closer with my family. I've become closer with myself.

I've learned to love who I am. I've even learned to like the way I look. I've learned to stick with the people who are good for me. I've learned to stick with the decisions that make me stronger.

It's crazy, but I've somehow grown up in the past year. To think, all this time I've been wondering why bad things were happening to me. I never stopped to consider the fact that it didn't matter why. It only matters how I respond to these things, and how I continue to lead my life.

And right now, I think I'm leading a pretty good one. And it's not because of any one thing, either (though, yes, my wonderful new relationship sure makes me happy).

But I promise, it's everything. It's the combination of my attitude, my achievements, my decisions, and my relationships.

Sure, nothing is perfect. My dad's still sick, to an extent (hopefully a small one). I still live at home with my parents and don't make enough money. I still feel sleep-deprived every day. I still wish I could put all my energy and passion into school and quit work.

Yes, all of those problems still exist. But they're lessened by the fact that I've come such a long way.

For once, I can say I'm happy.

And all it took was one year...yes, it's been exactly one year since we broke up. But I'm not writing this post to honor that somber anniversary. I'm writing it to honor me.

Because on this day last year, I'm ashamed to say I didn't like who I was. Or maybe I didn't know who I was.

But this year, I know exactly who I am.

And I freakin' love me!

Now I think that calls for a little celebration.


At 7:19 AM, Anonymous Mathieu said...

Hooray! *sound of champagne bottle opening*
Congrats Lauren, I feel very privileged to have witnessed you "growing up", right here on this blog. What a lovely post!

Keep going at it, and enjoy *everything*!



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